The desert?

The thing I've noticed about the desert is it makes me thirsty. Not much vegetation, so I'm hungry. If I'm really in the desert, I'm going on what we have, which is not much. It doesn't take long to realize that I need God. I cannot go on without Him. Every so often I find an oasis and drink and eat and just get filled. Then I'm back in the desert. Onward trekking. For me at least, the desert is the place where I want God. If I don't want him when I'm so hungry, so thirsty, it makes me wonder if I'm even in the desert. Maybe I'm in the city. Maybe I'm in city and I'm just distracted unintentionally or intentionally. Maybe I don't want to deal with those issues. Hunger and thirst can be filled with other things. No, not filled. Temporarily satisfied? Maybe I want God, but I'm too distracted with other things, to travel to the desert and remove the noise. Where there is nothing but sand and sky. Nothing to distract me from my God. It doesn't take long to get thirsty, doesn't take long to get hungry. There's nothing around to temporarily satisfy my needs. I'm at the point where I don't care to understand why I'm the way I am. All I want is to be filled. I don't have to understand why bad things are happening, all I have to know is that I need my Jesus. I don't have to understand Him, all I have to do is know that I need him. Essentially, I want to know him deeper, better. I don't know if I could understand him.

Okay. This kind of just came to me. It's maybe not what you think. I'm not going to rationalize it or explain myself though. Take it as you will.