A twisted knee and a released healing.

Today was a crappy shift. We were severly understaffed and for whatever reason one of our papers had a catalogue that made our relatively light paper bundles of maybe maybe 20 pounds, 40 pounds. Ewww. So from the first 3 hours my back was killed. Then after that I had a moderately decent Kansa run of dear old Stony Plain. Of Course, Spruce Grove, being the exact same paper except for the name and cover wouldn't run at all. For no reason. Of course we didn't finished that until around 11:30. So then we did the rep. All good. Relatively easy done that in 3 and a half hours. Average, taking into account our lack of staff and overall tiredness. Of course then as a few of us finish up Leduc Rep, two head in to work on Fort Saskatchewan. They ripped through. We eased our way into Devon. At this point I was sitting on a stool, just working at my table not walking much. I was tired and for whatever reason my knee hurts today. So as we're pretty much done working on Devon Dispatch I go for my friend's van, so I can back it up the ramp and essentially pack. So I was walking/hobbling outside. Of course there is a crapload of ice everywhere. I was being extremely careful, but I stepped wrong and slipped a bit. I didn't fall but it was enough bugger up my knee all over again. I was getting so good. Anyways, I packed my friend's van in silence and when I was done asked her if she could move her van back down the ramp. A first sign that Joce is not alright. I jumped in to help them finish Beaumont. Had a little attitude with my supervisor. I was counting how many papers I needed in my head and she thought I was just standing there but whateve. Also at this point it's all I can do to not start crying. Jaw and fists clenched, my friend whose van I packed made me leave. We were done anyways, but she told me to go a bit earlier. I didn't argue. She gave me a hug and told me to never do anything for her again if it was going to make me hurt. So I limped to my car and as soon as I got in, I started bawling. Those of you that know me, know that I simply do not cry. Ever. It's a spiritual thing. But I was sobbing. I was in so much pain. I've never cried so hard for any other type of physical pain. I starting praying. Talking to Jesus. I don't understand, maybe I need to slow down even more. Or maybe I need to become fully dependant on him. Or maybe I need to learn how to trust doctors. I want to be healed. This is stopping me from doing my best. It's stopping me from so many fun things I want to do. I cried and I cried and I cried. And sobbed and cried and bawled. It was more than just the pain. Even though it hurts so terribly much. It was me, being broken. Releasing months and months of pain and frustration and hurt. Just crying, talking to Jesus. Proclaiming my healing in faith, but realizing that I have to be wise. He is healing me, emotionally right now, but I'm still believing for that physical healing.