Hurt

OK. So I'm really pissed off. Augh. I cannot stand living here. I should have stayed in Edmonton tonight. Frick I'm such a mess. Augh. Stupid life. Stupid stupid STUPID!! Grr. My dad has been moved out of our house, out of my life for over a year now. Hmm. The past year has been ridiculous. Before my dad left us, we never had the issues we've had lately. From my sister attempting suicide to the other sister being in the hospital for everything possible. It's not like I'm saying she's doing this on purpose, but she sure gets her share of attention. Last night she had an exertion - induced asthma attack. What?! Ok fine, but when my mom was telling me this a few minutes I say one thing that isn't necessarily sympathetic, she starts yelling at me, telling me I always think that Danielle's a wimp. What the fricking crap? So that's when I tune out. I don't even care anymore. Ugh, I was at Blessings the other day. I see my old car. Which is now my dad's car. I ran into him inside. I made the effort I said "Hey". He was the one who made up some excuse to go find some card. Frick. Didn't even acknowledge me when he left. Yeah, we aren't tight, but everytime I try my heart gets broken. So do I trust this man? Or do I guard my heart above all else, because it's the wellspring of life. Augh. I just cannot stand this anymore.

My life is a mess. My only sustenance is from my lover, my Father. It's all I have. I am stripped so bare. I'm so emotional. My emotions are not my everything. By no means.

As my spirit flows free
Let it find within me
A heart that beats to praise you