The Summer of 47 Regrets

Hmm. So. Summer's basically over. In my books summer's done at the end of summer. It's when the kiddies go back to school, and people are basically back from holidays. Man what a summer this has been. The first half was filled with a lot of fun, laughter, growing experiences. There was my trip to Calgary with the youth for our 4 days to work at the Mustard Seed. Very enriching experience. I thought I liked one guy from that trip, but have since realized otherwise. Heh. Hmm. Yea lots of laughs. There was the dance class I took which ran 7 weeks, even though I made it to 4. Hiphop, Jazz, Modern/Lyrical, Tap. Hmm. I went to Red Deer for an action-packed week of Holy Ghost power and revelation, with my bud Lisa. Mmm. It was the summer I turned 20 and finally bought the laptop I've been waiting for, for about 6 years. Hmm. I guess, it was an alright summer. Better than most in some ways. I fell victim to temptations I've struggled with for years and years. I fell victim to temptations I've never experienced before. I had my heart broken, in many different ways. My spirit has been put out it seems. I think it took me to today to realize this. Hmm. It's been a constant struggle to stay afloat spiritually. I've questioned my faith. Something that used to be so unshakable, may not be anymore. I suppose that's good. I'm realizing that I can't fake this anymore. It has to be whole-hearted or else I'm never going to be satisfied. These past weeks I've been quite angry at God. I started having car troubles again today, I called out, "Why God, why is this fricking happening to me?" It was then that I realized. God hears our prayers, but WHY would he respond to someone who's walking the opposite direction from him. I don't know. He did respond, "Spend time with me, stop being sorry and start being repentant." pffft. I don't know guys, it seems that there are so many distractions, so many other things to do. Frick it's so hard to find that secret place. Not once, when I have asked God to be there for me, not once has he not come through. Yet I still struggle with trusting him. Poop. I'm a retard who never seems to learn. Time will tell what life will bring and what exactly I'll be shaped into.