Peace

In my loneliness and very uncertain future I cling to this;

"For I know the plans I have for you, " declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you, " delcares the Lord, "and will bring you back by captivity."

Jeremian 29 :11 - 14

It's all good.

Peace that passes all understanding, right?
Amen. I declare it.

Fake & Distant

Hmm.

I feel distant. Fake even.

Fake because of how most everyone's acting towards me. Fake also. One of my best friends won't talk to me. It feels like freaking high school again. Like what is this? Heh. When a worship song comes on, I try to sing along, but the words, they are empty. Meaningless. I cannot sing what I do not mean. I feel nothing. Other than the pain in my leg. Highly annoying. I've missed my God times the last two days. If I let it go more than 3 I'll stop. Thankfully, I have picked up my bible today. It "opened" up to Psalm 119. The 25th verse caught my eye.

"I am laid low in the dust; preserve my life according to your word"

Laid low in the dust. At this point, all I can do is lay low. I'm discouraged and far away. I need to be preserved. Haha. Oh man, that just made me think of marinating, or pickling. In the presence. The last time I did that for real was quite awhile. I need to just chill out in the presence. Ahh, but I want the glory.

Show me your Glory, Lord.

14? Hours?

Good morning Stonyducmonparkgrove!

Well it is now a quarter to 6 in the am. The weather is slight rain, but we have an expected high of 16 degrees Celcius. This is Jocelyn, signing off for about 12 hours of sleep.

Haha. I'm relatively giddy. This is my winddown time after work. Yup. I started at 3:30pm & and was done at 5:30am. I'm surprised I made it. I don't think I'm supposed to be working like this because of my messed up knee. Oh well. I need the moolah! Nah. I just really felt bad so I stayed until the bitter end. It is indeed all good. So good day to you all and to me a good rest.

:)

Joce

Oh man oh man oh man! OK! So I had a dream. First off it was like this.
I was sitting in the parking lot outside of work, trying to convince my sister and others to work. I did eventually get my sister to come and work... but yeah. Hmm. Fast forward a bit. I'm a really hard worker. Kind of intense too. I'll work when I'm in excruciating pain. {kind of worried a bit about tonight though, my leg is pretty swollen :s} I remember going into work when everyone else was leaving. There was still a lot to do, and what I thought was only 3 people. As I worked there, a few people came off "coffee break", people who usually don't work. Heh. Fast forward a bit more. I'm sitting outside of work on the grass, with my dad{who by the way, left us a year and a bit ago} and we we're talking about how many people were at work. I was smoking a lot,{which by the way I do not do because I think it's gross} and so was he. We were sitting in this field and the building was quite a ways away. I said, "I've never had to park this far away before!" He said, "Well look at how much more room is left!" I looked and there was fields and fields of empty space. I said, "Oh yes, More. More. More."
Then we got up and walked towards the building. There were 2 doors. All I can remember is one was marked student and that's the one not many people could go in. We got to go in that door. Essentially that's where the dream ended.

Ok. I, for some reason, knew what this dream was all about. My workplace, my faith, my walk. Trying to convince people to come in to work. Hard. Eventually convinced one person but by bribing them. Few workers. I was only working a little bit, but when everyone else was too tired. My relationship with God was suffering from me doing all the work. Really, we can do nothing. People come to Christ by Holy Spirit. We do not save them. We plant, we water, we harvest. We do not grow them. Ok. Revival outbreaks. I can't really understand the smoking part, but my relationship with my dad restored and way better than before. Walking in where few enter. Hmm. The workers. Kind of like a "Staff Only" door. Some people work really hard and get no recognition other than a door they can enter. Everyone else came for the recieving. The recieving for the works meant all the more because they know how much work went into it.

I do not know guys. All I know is that, it was from God.

Good Village Extravagannza

Hmm. Tonight was so insanely fun. Our "house gathering/life group/small group" went to Goodwill and Value Village and shopped for some crazy outfits. It was me and 4 others. Our church is doing this Ladies Extravaganza thing. Now a bunch of ladies are doing a Fashion Show. So, we shopped for crazy outfits. Now here's the sitch, I went along to take photos. And videos. Oh man, the randomness was so crazy. I haven't laughed so hard in so long. It's fun to have fun! Not even joking. Like it was the most real fun I've had in forever. Good times. :).

Hmm. I was reading through Ezra. In chapter 2 it's all about the exiles who returned. Now I've always wondered the significance of listing people and their descendants. I don't know really. Maybe God's trying to tell us that they were real. Just like we are? Maybe if we look back into some of the history books, we'll see some of these names. They were people, like you and me. Y'know I get so caught up in my little "Leduc/Edmonton" bubble. I've been around, I know there are other people out there. I'm not going to lie, I've never really given them a second thought. Until recently. There are billions of people out there, who struggle and have loss and sorrow. Billions who don't Jesus. It breaks my heart, and again it breaks. What can I do? I know I'm not called to be a "missionary". Lord, reveal yourself to me.

P.S.
Pray for my friend. She's needing some prayer. Just a good honest-to-goodness general prayer. Let Holy Spirit lead on the details. I believe He will.

Cyrus and Pharoah - Moved and Hardened

I find quite interesting the way God moves our hearts. In Ezra 1:1 it reads,

"In the first year of Cyrus king of Persia, in order to fulfill the word of the Lord spoken by Jeremiah, the Lord moved the heart of Cyrus king of Persia to make a proclamation throughout his realm and to put it in writing."

It goes on to talk about the building of the temple and the way that Cyrus helps the exiles to return to their place.

This really strikes a cord with me. God can move hearts to compassion. That is powerful. Yet there is this flip side...

"...the Lord hardened Pharaoh's heart, and he was not willing to let them go."

This popular "Exodus" counteracts God's ability to move hearts to be soft and have mercy and shows us the side where he hardens or makes tough the heart of the Pharoah. I'm not going to lie. I'm maybe a bit confused. How daresay, does God do this without it affecting our freewill. Hmm. Well. I don't know.
Is it just like a tug? A pull in a direction, the choice is still ultimately up to me. Or whoever. He knows our hearts. Hmm. I think I'm going to have to chew on that one for a bit. I think that'd be okay.
I don't think God wants us to get everything right away. Rediscovering the wonder. I mean I certainly don't understand everything about my friends right off the bat. As I spend more time, I begin to learn and know their character and personality{ugh I hate that word}. I then begin to understand why they do what they do, and why they say what they say. It's been proven over and over again in my relationships. Not going to lie, I'm not sure I'll ever understand God. As I heard once {I'm sure I mentioned it before}...

"Since when did the Spirit of the Lord make sense to the mind of man?"

and who ever said that He had to?

Adventure with my Lover.

Y'know, I'm on this adventure to rediscover the wonder of the written word of God. I resolve to read the books I haven't, the books I haven't understood and everything inbetween. Because I'm kind of a random person, I cannot read just straight through the bible. It's probably why I have yet to read the whole bible. Crazy! I think this is going to be such an escapade...

It makes me feel as if I'm riding off into the sunset, onto the horizon with my lover. I also am really aware of how I may experience the evil villian. Satan. Satan hates me and Him, and will stop at nothing to break us up and take me for himself. I do hereby promise to hold on for dear life, even when it's dark and I can't see Him. Even when it's raining, and all I feel is down. Even in the desert, when nothing seems to quench my thirst. Even in the valley of the shadow of death, where death seems to encompass my surroundings. I do hereby proclaim, to remain true to my lover. What an adventure this will be.

Color of my blog??

I mean I really do these quizzes is to laugh at them ahaha. Haha.

Your Blog Should Be Purple

You're an expressive, offbeat blogger who tends to write about anything and everything.You tend to set blogging trends, and you're the most likely to write your own meme or survey.You are a bit distant though. Your blog is all about you - not what anyone else has to say.

What Color Should Your Blog or Journal Be?

-- purple... for royalty!!

Your Power Color Is Red-Orange

At Your Highest: You are warm, sensitive, and focused on your personal growth. At Your Lowest: You become defensive and critical if you feel attacked. In Love: You are loyal - but you demand the respect you deserve. How You're Attractive: You are very affectionate and inspire trust. Your Eternal Question: "Am I Respected?"

What's" Your Power Color?

-- i really do like orange :)

You Are Cream Pie

You're the perfect combo of simplicity and divinityThose who like you life for understated pleasures

What Kind of Pie Are You?

-- not going to lie, I really love pie!!

Your French Name is:

Sennett Joubert

What's" Your French Name?

-- what??

You Failed 8th Grade Math

Oh no, you only got 5/10 correct!

Could You Pass 8th Grade Math?

-- Hmm. Oh well. Haha.

Your Quirk Factor: 43%

You're a pretty quirky person, but you're just normal enough to hide it.Congratulations - you've fooled other people into thinking you're just like them!

How Quirky Are You?

-- ahaha. i think i'm little more quirky than that.

You Are Austin

A little bit country, a little bit rock and roll.You're totally weird and very proud of it.Artistic and freaky, you still seem to fit in... in your own strange way. Famous Austin residents: Lance Armstrong, Sandra Bullock, Andy Roddick

What American City Are You?

austin? now i have to go there!

Quizaholic

Hmm. I used to be a hardcore online quiz addict. I may put a few up on here heh. Don't worry!!

You Are 20 Years Old

20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences.

What Age Do You Act?

Hmm. Secret Place?

Ok. So I'm sitting here. Reading and meditating. Hmm. It's weird. Being here, I get the most revelations. I hear from God maybe not more, but more clear. Now what is that? It's in front of the computer. Hugest distractor ever. All I know is that my places of secret are limited. My room, I really only sleep in there, so whenever I'm in there, I well... Sleep. There's my car, I do hear there, but I kind of have to pay attention to what I'm doing. Although what better way to go, than worshipping and being so overwhelmed by Holy Spirit. Heh. So. It narrows down to this place. Lot has happened at this place. Maybe, it's okay for me to do this, even though I would never recommend it for anyone else. I'm so guarded here. And yet not. The internet is a big bad place. But there is good. Just because of things in the past, I'm so careful at this place. So very careful...

So I'm reading Daniel right now. This dude was a crazy prophet, he had such crazy visions. Wowsas. Heh. Haha. I totally just realized that the book of Daniel is only 12 chapters. Hmm. Ya learn something new everyday. :).
Maybe I'll leave with a poem by Emily Dickinson.

Belshazzar had a

letter --

He never had but one;

Belshazzar's correspondence

Concluded and Begun

In that immortal copy

The conscience of us all

Can read without its glasses
On revelation's wall.

Good Nite and God Bless.

11:47 PM

Do you have a favorite time of day?

My favorite time is 11:47 pm. Is that weird or is that weird. If I could explain why, I would but I don't think I can. You just gotta know me :).

Tonight I wanna cry

Hmm. I don't know. I relate to this maybe a little bit.

Alone in this house again tonight

I got the TV on, the sound turned down and a bottle of wine

There's pictures of you and I on the walls around me

The way that it was and could have been surrounds me

I'll never get over you walkin' away

I've never been the kind to ever let my feelings show

And I thought that bein' strong meant never losin' your self control

But I'm just drunk enough to let go of my pain

To Hell with my pride let it fall like rain

From my eyes

Tonight i wanna cry

Would it help if i turned a sad song on"All By Myself"

would sure hit me hard now that you're gone

Or maybe unfold some old yellow lost love letters

It's gonna hurt bad before it gets better

But I'll never get over you by hidin' this way

maybe you don't know me. that's totally okay. there are just some powerful statements in here that maybe i relate to. Hmm.

To hell with my pride.