Hurt

OK. So I'm really pissed off. Augh. I cannot stand living here. I should have stayed in Edmonton tonight. Frick I'm such a mess. Augh. Stupid life. Stupid stupid STUPID!! Grr. My dad has been moved out of our house, out of my life for over a year now. Hmm. The past year has been ridiculous. Before my dad left us, we never had the issues we've had lately. From my sister attempting suicide to the other sister being in the hospital for everything possible. It's not like I'm saying she's doing this on purpose, but she sure gets her share of attention. Last night she had an exertion - induced asthma attack. What?! Ok fine, but when my mom was telling me this a few minutes I say one thing that isn't necessarily sympathetic, she starts yelling at me, telling me I always think that Danielle's a wimp. What the fricking crap? So that's when I tune out. I don't even care anymore. Ugh, I was at Blessings the other day. I see my old car. Which is now my dad's car. I ran into him inside. I made the effort I said "Hey". He was the one who made up some excuse to go find some card. Frick. Didn't even acknowledge me when he left. Yeah, we aren't tight, but everytime I try my heart gets broken. So do I trust this man? Or do I guard my heart above all else, because it's the wellspring of life. Augh. I just cannot stand this anymore.

My life is a mess. My only sustenance is from my lover, my Father. It's all I have. I am stripped so bare. I'm so emotional. My emotions are not my everything. By no means.

As my spirit flows free
Let it find within me
A heart that beats to praise you

Audience of One.

Wow. Found an old WoW Worship CD. Big Daddy Weave does this amazing song, "Audience of One" There are so many powerful lyrics in it.

I come on my knees
To lay down before you
Bringing all that I am {am not have}
Longing only to know you

Seeking your face
And not only your hand
I find you embracing me
Just as I am

And I lift these songs
To you and you alone
As I sing to you
In my praises make your home

To my audience of one
You are Father, and you are Son
As your spirit flows free,
Let it find within me
A heart that beats to praise you.
And now just to know you more
Has become my great reward
To see your kingdom come
And your will be done
I only desire to be yours,Lord

So what could I bring
To honor your majesty
What song could I sing
That would move the heart of royalty
And all that I have
Is the life that you’ve given me
So Lord let me live for you
My song with humility

And Lord as the love song
Of my life is played
I have one desire
To bring glory to your name

To my audience of one
You are Father, and you are Son
As your spirit flows free,
Let it find within me
A heart that beats to praise you.
And now just to know you more
Has become my great reward
To see your kingdom come
And your will be done
I only desire to be yours,Lord


I long for my worship to mirror this song. I really want my worship to be to my audience of One. I catch glimpses of it. Where I forget all else and everyone else and am completely immersed in the glory of my Jesus. Somehow, you always come back.


I've been really frustrated lately. My Abbotsford plans haven't really been working out. I thought there was no way I could go. Seems Satan was just throwing me an ole attack. Boo on Satan. But yeah, it seems like I'm slightly vulnerable right now, which is ok, but not. I know as I spend more time with my Father, the more I'll have to fight with, but maybe pray for me. I'm in really tough spot. I cried and cried and cried the other night. And I'm not a crier by any means. So obviously something important is going on. So yeah. Cool Beans.

Pax!

Joy. Refreshment. Peace.
Got Jesus?