What I meant to say was...

Fuck me.

I'm such a mess.

You're absolutely right.
I'm a total fucking asshole.

That was so unfair of me.

You're totally right.
I just need to let it go.

But how?

When everything within me screams to not.

The magnitude of it all... it's a total wonder I keep myself together.

Tortured soul.

I keep replaying it in my head.
I have no idea where this version of me comes from.

So, though you'll likely never read this; this is what I had been preparing to say to you for all this time.

Hi.
How are you?
You look really good.
I miss you at times.
Bye.

Again I apologize for whatever nonsense came out of my mouth that night.
I just don't even know where that shit came from.

I'm just a total fucking idiot I guess.
But then, you always made me act like that.