A twisted knee and a released healing.

Today was a crappy shift. We were severly understaffed and for whatever reason one of our papers had a catalogue that made our relatively light paper bundles of maybe maybe 20 pounds, 40 pounds. Ewww. So from the first 3 hours my back was killed. Then after that I had a moderately decent Kansa run of dear old Stony Plain. Of Course, Spruce Grove, being the exact same paper except for the name and cover wouldn't run at all. For no reason. Of course we didn't finished that until around 11:30. So then we did the rep. All good. Relatively easy done that in 3 and a half hours. Average, taking into account our lack of staff and overall tiredness. Of course then as a few of us finish up Leduc Rep, two head in to work on Fort Saskatchewan. They ripped through. We eased our way into Devon. At this point I was sitting on a stool, just working at my table not walking much. I was tired and for whatever reason my knee hurts today. So as we're pretty much done working on Devon Dispatch I go for my friend's van, so I can back it up the ramp and essentially pack. So I was walking/hobbling outside. Of course there is a crapload of ice everywhere. I was being extremely careful, but I stepped wrong and slipped a bit. I didn't fall but it was enough bugger up my knee all over again. I was getting so good. Anyways, I packed my friend's van in silence and when I was done asked her if she could move her van back down the ramp. A first sign that Joce is not alright. I jumped in to help them finish Beaumont. Had a little attitude with my supervisor. I was counting how many papers I needed in my head and she thought I was just standing there but whateve. Also at this point it's all I can do to not start crying. Jaw and fists clenched, my friend whose van I packed made me leave. We were done anyways, but she told me to go a bit earlier. I didn't argue. She gave me a hug and told me to never do anything for her again if it was going to make me hurt. So I limped to my car and as soon as I got in, I started bawling. Those of you that know me, know that I simply do not cry. Ever. It's a spiritual thing. But I was sobbing. I was in so much pain. I've never cried so hard for any other type of physical pain. I starting praying. Talking to Jesus. I don't understand, maybe I need to slow down even more. Or maybe I need to become fully dependant on him. Or maybe I need to learn how to trust doctors. I want to be healed. This is stopping me from doing my best. It's stopping me from so many fun things I want to do. I cried and I cried and I cried. And sobbed and cried and bawled. It was more than just the pain. Even though it hurts so terribly much. It was me, being broken. Releasing months and months of pain and frustration and hurt. Just crying, talking to Jesus. Proclaiming my healing in faith, but realizing that I have to be wise. He is healing me, emotionally right now, but I'm still believing for that physical healing.

Ahh,

Pray for me, I want to be healed.
My knee is keeping down.
I'm 19 and I have arthritis.
Uh no, I won't have it.

Satan you can't have me.
God wants me to be my best.
I want to feel good about me.
Uh, let me go and let me live.

Oh Glory.

So. I'm going to BC. I'm pretty incredibly excited. There are few things on my heart.

First off I'm freaked out of my mind. I'm scared of losing my family, my friends. I'm scared of missing cool oppurtunities. I'm scared I won't have enough money..etc. That being said, I know that God will provide and that I'm coming back. 8 months is not a long time at all.

I believe that is calling up this city of Edmonton. Yeah yeah you may say. It's burning in my heart. I can taste it. We really need to get on our faces and pray. We need to be spending so much time with the father that it's all we do. Sometimes, I spend the whole day in prayer. Even when I'm working, my spirit is constantly speaking in tongues and just praying for the glory to come. Honestly. I can this a hundred times. We need to learn how to listen. I firmly believe that for every hour we pray we need to spend at very very least that amount of time listening. It's amazing what God can reveal when we rest. We need to labour to get into his precious rest. Cast our pain, our cares, all our hardships, the desires of our flesh and the temptations of the world and just rest in his presence. Oh the revelations that will come. Oh and our lives will be changed. People will notice that there is something different about us. They will want to know more. Oh glory. There will be revival. We need to stop eating the fruit from past revivals that are tainted with selfishness. We need to drink from the well of God and get something for ourselves. Something new, fresh, real. It's what I crave and so desperately desire. Oh Jesus please come. Meet us where we are, give us such a desire to spend time in your presence. Even in school, continually speak to us and in our workplaces. This "Christian" thing is not a Sunday, Wednesday, Friday thing. It's a lifestyle. It's a cause.

Make us so desperate for you Jesus. Give us a passion for the lost. That they would come to know you. And not just know you. Give up their lives for you. Oh glorious, beautiful holy one. Thanks for meeting me where I am. You are so faithful. Thanks for being here. Lord, teach me to be sensitive to Holy Spirit. Make me obedient to his promptings. Even if I find it completely ridiculous. Teach me even now. I'm so hungry to know you. So desperate to see your face. I want to know you so much. Give me a passion that won't die, and a fire that won't go out. I want you. Only you. Nothing else. Give me visions and dreams of You. I long to see this city filled with You. In every corner of darkness and every home and church. Bring the church back to life. Our church is dead. SO dead. I thank you for what you are doing, I ask that you would continue to reveal and increase it. 30, 60, 100fold. I pray that you would increase my faith. I ask that I would not have to always understand, but just be obedient no matter what.


Wow. That was intense. Oh Glory! Haha.

Movies Music My Heart

Ahh. I'm just going to rant here.

It seems that God is working on my heart yet some more. I guess I did ask him to do so. I'm finding that I have no desire to go to movies or listen to music that doesn't glorify him. The movies thing isn't quite so hard. But the music. Oh man. Music is/was my life. It's my escape from reality. The song can be so good, but when it doesn't glorify my Jesus it puts me into a place where I'm down. In my heart there is this longing. If I'm not careful, I end up longing for something other than being with my God. As I continue on this walk, as Holy Spirit continues to prepare my spirit for God's work, the more I am broken, the deeper I get into this faith... the more I am amazed, scared, angered and grateful. All to Jesus I surrender.

Mount of Transfiguration

On the way home, I was listening to a CD. This guy Charlie Robinson. He was talking about the mountain that we can take up and throw into the sea. It's the mountain he used to explain with after he cursed the fig tree.

"Early in the morning, as he was on his way back to the city, he was hungry. Seeing a fig tree by the road, he went up to it but found nothing on it except leaves. Then he said to it, "May you never bear fruit again!" Immediately the tree withered.

When the disciples saw this, they were amazed. "How did the fig tree wither so quickly?" they asked.

Jesus replied, "I tell you the truth, if you have faith and do not doubt, not only can you do what was done to the fig tree, but also you can say to this mountain, 'Go, throw yourself into the sea,' and it will be done. If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer."

Matthew 21:18-21

Haha. In relation to the fig tree, this mountain is about suffering, pain. We can tell that mountain to "throw itself into the sea". Haha.

But here's the cool part. There's that other mountain. In Matthew 17, it talks of the Mountain of Transfiguration. Hmm. Jesus went up there and met with God, and Moses and Elijah.

"After six days Jesus took with him Peter, James and John the brother of James, and led them up a high mountain by themselves. There he was transfigured before them. His face shone like the sun, and his clothes became as white as the light. Just then there appeared before them Moses and Elijah, talking with Jesus.

Peter said to Jesus, "Lord, it is good for us to be here. If you wish, I will put up three shelters—one for you, one for Moses and one for Elijah."

While he was still speaking, a bright cloud enveloped them, and a voice from the cloud said, "This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased. Listen to him!"

When the disciples heard this, they fell facedown to the ground, terrified. But Jesus came and touched them. "Get up," he said. "Don't be afraid." When they looked up, they saw no one except Jesus.

As they were coming down the mountain, Jesus instructed them, "Don't tell anyone what you have seen, until the Son of Man has been raised from the dead."

The disciples asked him, "Why then do the teachers of the law say that Elijah must come first?"

Jesus replied, "To be sure, Elijah comes and will restore all things. But I tell you, Elijah has already come, and they did not recognize him, but have done to him everything they wished. In the same way the Son of Man is going to suffer at their hands." Then the disciples understood that he was talking to them about John the Baptist."

That's a cool mountain. Hah. So after Jesus came down from that mountain he saw his disciples trying to cast out a demon...

"When they came to the crowd, a man approached Jesus and knelt before him. "Lord, have mercy on my son," he said. "He has seizures and is suffering greatly. He often falls into the fire or into the water. I brought him to your disciples, but they could not heal him."

"O unbelieving and perverse generation," Jesus replied, "how long shall I stay with you? How long shall I put up with you? Bring the boy here to me." Jesus rebuked the demon, and it came out of the boy, and he was healed from that moment.

Then the disciples came to Jesus in private and asked, "Why couldn't we drive it out?"

He replied, "Because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you."

Matthew 17: 1 - 20

So I was sitting there just thinking about that. "Say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there'. We can move that mountain. And in context, that mountain is the one of miracles. Of "Transfiguration". The overall presence of God. And we can move it. To where we are. What?!! That's really awesome. This really clicked with me. Know how you can here something 25 times before it becomes real to you? I found this really powerful and did some more digging in it.
God Bless

Joce