I figured that this could be fun. Especially @3:30am.
TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey
Name: Jocelyn
Birthday: August 17, 1986
Birthplace: Edmonton, AB
Current Location: Leduc, AB
Eye Color: Chocolate Brown
Hair Color: Black/Brown a few red pieces and I think a blond or two.
Height: 5'9.5 {no joke}
Right Handed or Left Handed: Right
Your Heritage: Completely unknown
The Shoes You Wore Today: Black and pink runners
Your Weakness: Music
Your Fears: Oh Man! Hitting a deer on icy roads in my little car!
Your Perfect Pizza: Pineapple, Green peppers, Mushrooms, Pepperoni and Ham
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year: See 5 dramatic healings!
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger: LOL!
Thoughts First Waking Up: "oi"
Your Best Physical Feature: eyes maybe? or "butt" just kidding. it's ok.
Your Bedtime: I don't know... my body won't sleep until at least 12:30 sometimes i wish i could sleep at 8 or 9. but usually between 1 and 4
Your Most Missed Memory:Sleepovers with Britt's
Pepsi or Coke: Coke
MacDonalds or Burger King: Eww. McDonald's is so gross, but Burger is soooo nasty.
Single or Group Dates: Mmm, single
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: Nestea
Chocolate or Vanilla: Mmm. Swirl.
Cappuccino or Coffee: Cappuccino
Do you Smoke: No
Do you Swear: Occasionaly
Do you Sing: In my car!
Do you Shower Daily: Generally
Have you Been in Love: No, unless you count Jesus.
Do you want to go to College: Yes indeed
Do you want to get Married: Yes
Do you belive in yourself: "I can do all things in Christ who strengthens me"
Do you get Motion Sickness: In the car!!
Do you think you are Attractive: Not Particulary
Are you a Health Freak: Kind of.
Do you get along with your Parents: My dad, no. My mom, depends on the day!
Do you like Thunderstorms: Oh no! They scare me!
Do you play an Instrument: Well.. Not well.
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol: Nope
In the past month have you Smoked: Nope
In the past month have you been on Drugs: Well I've taken Advil...
In the past month have you gone on a Date: Nope
In the past month have you gone to a Mall: Indeed
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos: Nope
In the past month have you eaten Sushi: Nope
In the past month have you been on Stage: sat on it
In the past month have you been Dumped: Nope
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping: Uh... no
In the past month have you Stolen Anything: No. Well.. what's your definition of steal. joking.
Ever been Drunk: Never
Ever been called a Tease: Nope
Ever been Beaten up: everyone was scare of me!
Ever Shoplifted: When I was younger. Grapes are so easy to steal!
How do you want to Die: Quickly, without a lot pain.
What do you want to be when you Grow Up: What? Someone who stands in the gates of influence in the position of Media, filtering out all the unrighteousness/whatever God wants me to do.
What country would you most like to Visit: Hmm. Denmark. Dont know why just always have wanted to.
In a Boy/Girl..
Favourite Eye Color: Blue, Green, Brown, Hazel
Favourite Hair Color: Whatever works!
Short or Long Hair: Really depends.
Height: At least 5'9. or taller.
Weight: Well, I've liked guys who are like big teddy bears and ones that are like little twigs
Best Clothing Style: Someone who can keep their pants up. Honestly, I really want to pull those baggy pants down!
Number of Drugs I have taken: Hmm. 0.
Number of CDs I own: uh Maybe 60 or 70?
Number of Piercings: 2
Number of Tattoos: None Currently
Number of things in my Past I Regret: More than my fingers and toes together can count!

Right Standing.

Hmm. Reading in Daniel 9. The fourteenth verse really stuck out to me.
"The Lord did not hesitate to bring the disaster upon us, for the Lord our God is righteous in everything he does; yet we have not obeyed him."

Tonight at House Gathering, we were discussing how we offer "non-christians" the peace, love, joy, fulfillment and everlasting happiness. Then when the find out it's not all about that, their emotions, we have the ever-popular back-slider. By appealing to their emotions, by just trying to offer them a better "ride", they aren't too thrilled with the outcome. The guys used this analogy.

Imagine 2 passengers on an airplane. The first passenger is handed a parachute and told to put it on because it'll make his trip more enjoyable. Soon he finds that he cannot sit upright and people are laughing at him. He then becomes bitter at the people who gave him this parachute and thus throws off his parachute. Now the second passenger is also handed a parachute. He is told that at any moment he will have to jump from the plane and the parachute will save his life. Now not only does he not care about being uncomfortable or humiliated, he is also grateful to the people who offered him this life-saving device.
Now here we go. The first guy was bitter, uncomfortable and humiliated because he was told that this cloak of "Jesus" would make life easier. He'd have joy, peace, fulfillment and inner happiness. But when the high is gone and things start to suck, he begins to feel resentment towards the bearers of this so-called good news. And now we have the "back-slider". The other dude wears this "good news" because he knows what he's being saved from. He knows that the fact of being saved from certain death is way more valuable, more important... than comfort, than what other people think about him.

It's not about being forgiven and let go. It's about giving your life up. Abandoning all for it all. Being in right standing with God. Which is essentially righteousness.

Because God is so merciful, we can be saved. But he is righteous. Would a good judge tell a man who stole $50,000 that he could just go because he was feeling "forgiving" that day? Would you have any respect for that judge? But say someone you don't even know comes in and pays your debt. You'd be free to go. Powerful. That's Jesus. He paid for our sins. I've been a "christian" for 15 years and my mind is just now being blown away by that. And he did it for all of us. Wow. Powerful. Oh Glory.

The desert?

The thing I've noticed about the desert is it makes me thirsty. Not much vegetation, so I'm hungry. If I'm really in the desert, I'm going on what we have, which is not much. It doesn't take long to realize that I need God. I cannot go on without Him. Every so often I find an oasis and drink and eat and just get filled. Then I'm back in the desert. Onward trekking. For me at least, the desert is the place where I want God. If I don't want him when I'm so hungry, so thirsty, it makes me wonder if I'm even in the desert. Maybe I'm in the city. Maybe I'm in city and I'm just distracted unintentionally or intentionally. Maybe I don't want to deal with those issues. Hunger and thirst can be filled with other things. No, not filled. Temporarily satisfied? Maybe I want God, but I'm too distracted with other things, to travel to the desert and remove the noise. Where there is nothing but sand and sky. Nothing to distract me from my God. It doesn't take long to get thirsty, doesn't take long to get hungry. There's nothing around to temporarily satisfy my needs. I'm at the point where I don't care to understand why I'm the way I am. All I want is to be filled. I don't have to understand why bad things are happening, all I have to know is that I need my Jesus. I don't have to understand Him, all I have to do is know that I need him. Essentially, I want to know him deeper, better. I don't know if I could understand him.

Okay. This kind of just came to me. It's maybe not what you think. I'm not going to rationalize it or explain myself though. Take it as you will.

Rest

I went to a Youth Retreat, Ignite this weekend. One of our sessions was really teaching us on how we need cut out the noise. Focus on the silence of God. God gave me this.

Ever notice how the closer relationship you have with someone the more comfortable the silence?

I long for that intimate of a relationship with you. When we can just sit in silence, just being together. I am not a God who wants to fight to be heard. I also want to know you are serious about knowing me. You may not hear me speak right away, but if you really want to hear my voice, if you really want to hear my secrets, persist in patience, just be quiet. Shh. Shh. I will reveal my marvelous plans to you, as you continue to labour into my silence. It's ironic, but I speak the loudest in my silence. Important things are told when we're quiet. Things that are very dear to our hearts. When we know that it's okay to open up and know that we have the complete attention of our friend. Remove yourself from the noise, the busy-ness of life and just be silent. I'm waiting.

Powerful. I do encourage. Labour to find that silence.

a milky storm is the glory

a poem I wrote last month

the glory of the Lord
is a milky storm
brewing in the evening sky
in anticipation I await
a healthy fear encompasses me
for the storm will cleanse my heart
purify my spirit from evil

pour out on your servant
O great God
ratify me O Lord,
I need your approval
Only yours no one elses
provide sanction for my heart
I need a safe place
show me where
this secret place is.

Jocelyn. Yup that's me!

Just a few shots of me. Ahaha.

Uncollected thoughts

Ahh. Y'know when you feel like you want to blog, and then when you finally get there you can't do it.

My thoughts, they are rampant.
They are scattered and uncollected.
If I could catch them I would.
But they are everywhere and nowhere.
There is not a hope in this moment.